Joy on the outside; Gloom in the inside.

January seems to fill with joy on the exterior and little gloomy deep down inside.

I should be happy. I have an exciting year to look forward to, a new job nature I have been looking forward to, a Korea vacation in less than 2 week's time. 

But there is an aching gloom inside. Maybe I should have done this. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. 2012 hadn't been a pleasant year. If I were to summarize, I would say it showed me facets of humans. Maybe it is to strengthen me for what is next. Maybe it is to teach me tame my spite. 

While I am glad for what God has provided and directed, I am feeling remorse and regretful of the incompleteness and leaving the team when they are at weakest. As much I tell myself that all these are destined, I cannot deny that this tugging ache lurks, strongly. 

As January comes in a closure, the month marks 2 other important events. My best buddy's wedding. A sudden passing on of a friend.