I thought I was getting better yesterday. But a huge emotional wave hit me hard today. Pain. Pain beyond belief.
I'm still gloomy, tired, worned out, .... And I'm not in control of all these. I wish I could control. Really.
My mp3 is still at repeat mode on one single song: Mandy Moore - Only Hope.
And my appetite is still v.bad, for everytime someone suggested food, I feel a sense of puking. I had my usual bread for tea-break though it is meant for breakfast. My BBtea as dinner.
One consolation: In these 6 days of malfunctioned self, I lost 3 kgs.
I never thought that I could be so badly damaged by matters of the heart. Though I know I can be one stubborn one. I realise now, that I'm weak. A lousy weakling.
And I think I let my colleagues down. Even colleagues from other department show me concern. I was kinda touched when one asked me what's making me gloomy and saying tt sharing will make me feel better. My manager showed me concern for not having lunch meals. And my lovely patient GL.. the best on earth... I feel so sorry for all these, yet I can't control my emotions nor share anything.
Drown in sorrows. But I can't swim. I'll struggle my way out.
Thought of the day:
I pass by 7 churches today, instead of the usual 6.
I pass by his home church.
I thought I was day-dreaming. But it is real.