Saturday, April 07, 2007

My last bit of love died..

The worst insults you can ever receive comes from your family.

What have I done wrong, to deserve being labeled as stupid. I bite in tolerance on the first remark. But it is not helping when the 2nd insult poured in.

What have I done wrong, to deserve my brother throwing a chair (a heavy metal chair) at me. I wasnt scared. I was very sad. Very very sad.

I lost the very last bit of love in my heart.

I lost the love in my heart bit by bit, day by day. Growing up, for me, has more tears than laughter. Not that I mind. But my heart has been too deprived of love. I used to have an uncle who shelters me through my teenage years. Too bad, the Lord took him home 6 years ago. I wasnt a problematic child at all. 12 years ago, my friends and I went for lunch at KFC, which my parents later found out. I was labeled rebellious!??!!!?? Just because I tried to hide where I went (I was prohibited to eat fast food). I was sad, but I didnt blame anyone because I, in the first place, told lies of where I went. Uncle told me this - It is okay. Just let me know what you want to eat, and I'll bring you there. Touched. (But of course, I nv asked of anything.) He trust me. Trust. Something I never get from my family, even till now.

The worst things your family can do is to mock. Intentionally or unintentionally, the hurt done is permanent damage. You no longer feel attached to the family. The sense of belonging has long gone. You no longer think along the same line. Probably, that explains why, no matter how tired I am, whenever I have no OT, I will neither be at home. I will try means and ways to get my friends out instead of going back to rest, even though I can be tired as dead.

Devastated. Disappointed.

I've already given in my best. It now seems that there wasnt any purpose.

I live with a heart, which only functions as a pump.

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