Sunday, August 07, 2005

Cozy sunday.. I definitely need this sunday to rest at home..recuperate from the tons of energy loss. I did have a gd rest to a certain extent. But somehow, my mood wasn't quite good. I can't figure out the reason for it. The only reason I can think of is the financial difficulty I'm facing, which makes me frustrated.

Tmr's my 1st day of work. Quite excited but laziness seems to flood suddenly. But I think I need to work hard. I need to secure this job. I will give more than usual.

For the years I lived on earth, I have been performing much less than what I potentially can, I believe. I'm always performing to my 30%-60% of my full capacity. My primary school life took the 30%-40% range... My secondary school days took abt 50%-60% of my max potential. JC was worse.. I only perform up to 25%-35% at most... NTU was about 30%-40%.. But my final year was stretching a 60%.. That was the max I performed. Under those kind of circumstances, when I know I have to perform, I try to perform to my max. Sometimes, I simply don't understand. Why am I always not doing to my best capability and end up lamenting for what happened. Its so dumb to under-perform and show the lousy side of myself. Totally stupid I would say. I agree that my actions might be a bit slow..which i think i'm borned with it. But my brain isn't and I know it. I can easily score more than 130 for IQ tests. I can link many things at a time. I can digest what pple say and while they are saying, I can multitask by having many other stuff on my brain. But I'm simply not performing. Grr.. I hate this.. I know this mistake of mine but many years through and I'm still not doing any corrective actions. Its time. Its really time.

I know I'll be caught in the rat race. For everyone is, from the very moment they graduate from school. How many of us work for fun? No. Unless you're darn rich that is. You can enjoy work. But the ultimate motive is your salary, your pay, your bonus. I'm not a materialistic person. I'm just being realistic at this instant. Realistic with the cost of living, with the value of money and the role it plays in everyone's life. Everything is money, but money is not everything. To me, there are a lot of things more important than money. If you know me well enough, I use money freely. I seldom practise tight control, unless I'm on tight budget (like now and previous times I had). But I don't splurge on extravagant things. To me, money come and go. Some things - Friendship and Love - Come and stay, if time, effort and money is invested to nuture the relationship. And yes, why money? Who doesn't agree spending time with friends and loved ones don't need money? Activities need money, chilling out needs money, communication needs money, etc etc.. And here am I, at the point I know, I'm at the starting point of the race...

Ready... Get Set.. GO!!!

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