Flowerprint: Traumatised

I met a car accident. I caused the accident.

Its a bright sunny friday afternoon. I'm beaming with bursts of energy as it being a Friday. But this fateful incident happened.

It was on Upper Changi Road North. I'm on my way from Combustor to somewhere near HS for lunch with SZ. The phone rang. I peeped. My technician held my phone, saying it was from SZ, asking me if which button to press. I peeped over, landing my eyes on my phone. He pointed to the reject button. I remembered I telling him that the button he was pointing to was wrong. But before I can say anything further, my eyes pinned back to the road. The car in front of me is so near, less than a metre. I jammed brakes, but I knew everything was just too late.

I went blank. Totally blanked. Stunned. Traumatised. At that moment, I only hope I can disappear from that scene, or to rewind time a split seconds earlier. I wanted so much that it didn't happened. I really want to rewind time. It was all too late. I sat still in my van, with the drivers coming out of their respective cars. I'm still stunned, very stunned. I sat on my seat, emotionless.

My technician 'persuaded' me out of my van. I came. Still stunned. (while the others were already exchanging particulars) The technician asked me to call for boss. I was shivering. I didn't call for boss. I called SZ instead. Then afterwhich, I called the bosses. It was a relief to know that this first reaction was to ask if I'm okay. But the relief also made me guilty. If I had injured myself in a little way, I might feel better. (a little self-torturing but guilt is more of a emotional self-torturing thingy too). The other drivers also didn't lose their temper on me. I guess, they can see my traumatic look and shivering voice. Btw, it become a chain collision. I knocked into a Honda and Honda knocked into Nissan. SZ came, with another engineer and a technician. Their presence made me feel more secured. I lost my security at the instant of the accident. I'm so afraid, afraid of something I couldn't describe. I dunno what to come next. I'm so lost. I'm paronoid. I'm scared, very scared.

It left me shivering for hours. Till now, I'm still suffering from the shocks. I wonder if I'm able to catch sleep tonight. I didn't eat much for lunch, nothing much for dinner. I meet up Hui jun and Yong in town, but they were chatting while I was 'talking' to my Street Directory. Much thanks to Nigel, who gave me a brief idea of reporting vehicle accident and hi-lighting the importance of being alert while driving. And thanks to Aaron who taught me the route bk from Orchard to home via CTE and offering to help me with the reporting the nxt day.

Here are the damages to my company's van...