Saturday, April 08, 2006

I seems to be surfing on the waves of dual personality. One at work and one with friends.

I went back for a birthday celebration in hall yesterday. It was a birthday celeb of the april babies, though the main birthday girls are Yunshuang and Lijun, who will be spending their last birthday of their hostel stay.

I didn't take much pictures, as expected. For I wasn't as vocal when I mingle with my hall mates.

I still can't find the reason for my behaviour, of different states. Maybe I did. Subconsciously.

Blading is cancelled due to the weather. But I'm meeting Lihua for a short 2 hr session from 3pm to 5pm. Short, yes, but its the quality of meeting that matters. :) For I do need a friend to guide me now.

Ok, I'm not so seriously 'behaviour-illed'. I just want to kick that childish thingy habit out of me, so that I can convince people and myself to perform in work. How can a childish, dependent 'little girl' handle big things? I'll never make myself a respected one if I carry on this way. Coz noone will be taking me seriously then. For my own good, I'll have to kick this habit, and make myself respectable.

Maybe the change in environment made me behave so. I'm the more junior of all, with slightest engineering experience. And being the only girl probably made me a little pampered. I'm not sore at the idea of being the only girl, in fact, I liked it this way of being the only girl. Not that I like any attention, which in actual fact, I don't receive any special attention cause other than being eased from carrying heavy stuff, I'm no different from the others. But if there were a pair of girls, it'll definitely cause more problems esp it is just so human to make comparion when you have two of a thing.

I'm so plagued by this childish behaviour of mine for the past 1 month. And it has yet to be solved. Its time. Its really time.

LH told me that it is good that I found out early that this might be a flaw that may hinder my progress in work. I agree that early correction is definitely good corrective mtd. But if only I had maintain my poise, I wouldn't need to do such a behavioural change now. I've been trying for the past few weeks. And I failed week after week.

Maybe something else was distracting me.

And I'll start my self learning soon, in a deeper sense of doing PLCs, and getting in touch with the machines personally. Shan't be too dependent as for next quarter, I'll need to do my quarterly presentation. F.O.C.U.S.

I shall make myself promise, upon this post, that its time to revert to my usual self. It may not be immediate eradication of the childish behaviour, but something gradual shld be a better option.

Reflection on oneself is so so important. As least to me. For my many flaws. For a better me.

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